So over the past few days I have gotten approached by a few women residents here at the zen center each of which has inquired if I was “doing okay”. Now this had made me rather nervous and self-conscious. Do I look/act like I’m lonely, lost, in need of help? I got my bangs cut super short, does that make me look like I’m not “okay”? What does being okay here mean anyway? That I’m really having a blast cleaning the temple bathrooms every morning at 8:00? I admit, I haven’t been sleeping that well and my short bangs may or may not make me look a bit haggard but regardless of the personal questions and the doubts of how sane I look that these approaches have engendered in me, some very fruitful conversations have resulted with these women. One conversation in particular really affected me because it made me think about my coming year at Bates.
This conversation began with my mentioning that I had felt rather stuck here, stuck in a daily routine and completely divorced from the life I was leading before coming to Upaya. The woman I was speaking to aptly mentioned how these experiences are hotbeds for self-discovery and I couldn’t agree more. She explained that one need just to accept where one is at the time and attempt to make one’s space beautiful (whatever beauty means to the individual). This last part struck me and I thought back to moving into my tiny single in Frye House for winter semester this past year. Some good friends helped me make my space a little more homey and comfortable and it made an incredible difference. I can’t stress enough how important it can be to create a nice space for yourself especially when it comes to dorm living. As this woman was speaking to me, I looked around my bed space and saw all the out-of-place books and chapsticks and pens and unused tea bags scattered around and realized I had to take action. So I cleaned my space and I feel a lot better about life. It’s amazing what a bit of organization can do. It can entirely change the feeling of a specific place and make just the simple act of being there a lot easier. I am definitely keeping this experience in mind for this coming year where I will have an entire apartment to beautify so I will want to be there when I’m there and will be able to leave when the time comes. That’s the Buddhist way. Plus my mom will be happy because I plan to do an intense cleaning of my personal spaces when I arrive home in preparation for moving up to Maine. And happy moms are pleasant too. They make me want to stick around.
But seriously. Buy some flowers or something for your triple in Page Hall. Just make sure you throw them out when they die. It’s bad feng shui. And sometimes they can start to smell bad and begin to grow cabbages on them. That happened to me in a hostel in the Netherlands.
Shhhh,
Steph
