Now that I have moved in to my second week at Upaya, things seem to be falling into place and I’m beginning to feel as if I have been here a while. I had my first experience of desperately pining for the outside world when I got pix messaged (a picture sent via phone text for those of you unfamiliar with the lingo). Now the only people who usually pix message me are my parents like my mom sending me a picture of my old elementary school or something. So imagine my surprise when I find it’s from my Bates bestie who is with other Batesies in a nice summery place doing friendly summery things. Also picture this: I receive the text message as I’m limping back from a hike cut short because I have a blister that feels like a gaping wound on the back of my left heel. At this point I’m not even sure I’m going to make back to the campus with both shoes on and so seeing this pix message made me nostalgic, happy (I was glad THEY were having fun) and incredibly bitter. So I sent back a pix message of my blister.
However, I’m okay now. Being with one’s feelings is partly what meditation practice is about. But I do find myself pining for my friends and a place where the animals aren’t incredibly bizarre. I’ve had a few choice encounters with wildlife in my short time here which I feel are worth recounting. First encounter: I was speaking to my mother on father’s day in the parking lot when I hear a large crash and a giant deer comes careening towards me. I didn’t know what to do so I feebly made an “ahhhh” noise hoping I wouldn’t die on my cell phone with my mom on the other line. The deer however steered away and disappeared into the mountains. But not before elevating my heart rate to an extreme level. Which at this high altitude I can barely stand. Second encounter: a depraved squirrel. Now I thought I was used to crazy squirrels because the Bates campus is home to a lot of them. I think they eat all the discarded Commons desserts and it makes them insane. But anyway, this squirrel looked incredibly haggard and emaciated and crazed. AND it had what looked to me like a piece of meat in its mouth. A piece of meat! Believe me, it was eerie. I was under the impression that squirrels don’t eat meat, just nuts and stuff. They are not cold blooded carnivores in my mind and the realization that squirrels (or at least this squirrel) perhaps are is a big deal to me, paradigm shifts no matter how silly can affect you a lot when all you do is think. Third encounter: (which continuously happens) There are these black beetles here which I think are called Jerusalem bugs however, I think they should be renamed “God’s Mistake” because they have legs that look like human legs put on backward and it makes them walk in circles. It’s very unsettling to see one staggering toward you, you want to run but you know you have to get to the zendo for meditation and it’s in your path but you don’t want to go around because it’s only a beetle. I just try not to look at them.
But beside being afraid and weirded out by the wildlife here and sustaining wounds on my feet, I’m enjoying my time here. I think I am coming up with some nice ideas for further pre-thesis research and I also get the feeling that I’m not horribly mislead when it comes to trying to connect Buddhist philosophy and feminist theory. More on my project later.
Here are some photos of the campus, it’s incredibly beautiful out here:
This is the view from the playground where I make all my phone calls. Cell phone service is hard to come by here.
My bed.
Where I live.
My research notes. Doing them old-school style. It helps me romanticize this whole process.
Shhhh,
Steph
