I’m Competent. Wow, thanks Bates.

So, frequently retreats are held at Upaya where people come with their teacher and take courses and involve themselves (slightly) in life here. For the past two weeks, a yoga retreat has been going on, which means that tons of yoginis (that’s apparently what people who teach yoga are called) are staying on campus with us. As part of their retreat they must perform 30 minutes of samu (work-practice) each morning while residents at Upaya (the people who live here full time) perform samu from 9:40 to 12 and then 2:40 to 4. As a guest practitioner I work in the kitchen in the morning and have the afternoons off for my research.

This is where I spend an insane amount of time: the kitchen.

In the mornings I usually have the task of breakfast clean up and over the past week have been the lead breakfast clean up person. That title means I have to direct the group of yoginis assigned to clean breakfast with me. Now, cleaning the kitchen at Upaya has become similar to using a TV remote for me, I know how. So when my mom asks me how to change the channel, I’m at a loss at how to explain it because I just do it. So, admittedly, breakfast cleanup was a little shaky at first as I was unsure how to organize it. But as time went on I noticed that some of the yoginis seemed to have a hard time making connections. Like if you ask where a gigantic pot goes and you are directed to under the island to the right side bottom shelf, the next gigantic pot you are holding you would assume goes under the island to the right side bottom shelf right? Well it doesn’t work like that. Some of these people can’t seem to grasp their task though they do it morning after morning. And then they roll their eyes at me! And I want to say “Look, you’re the 40 year old. YOU figure it out.” Maybe they need to stand on their heads more.

But all sarcasm aside, I was complaining to a friend about this situation of having a band of spandex clad helpers to direct and they mentioned the fact that perhaps my liberal arts education should be credited partly with aiding my ability to think through problems and make connections. I really couldn’t agree more. My education in general but especially my three years at Bates has helped me become a more engaged thinker. I’ve been encouraged to question what I’m exposed to, which is often a difficult thing to do. I am also given the space to draw connections for myself which is enjoyable and exciting. So whether I’m typing a paper on the performance of gender or staring at an industrial sized salad spinner, I am confident in my ability to navigate the task at hand. And living in the real world makes me realize that this is a valuable skill that not everyone possesses and I should be grateful. Which I am.

Shhhh,

Steph

Desire For the “Real” World and Bizarre Animal Encounters

Now that I have moved in to my second week at Upaya, things seem to be falling into place and I’m beginning to feel as if I have been here a while. I had my first experience of desperately pining for the outside world when I got pix messaged (a picture sent via phone text for those of you unfamiliar with the lingo). Now the only people who usually pix message me are my parents like my mom sending me a picture of my old elementary school or something. So imagine my surprise when I find it’s from my Bates bestie who is with other Batesies in a nice summery place doing friendly summery things. Also picture this: I receive the text message as I’m limping back from a hike cut short because I have a blister that feels like a gaping wound on the back of my left heel. At this point I’m not even sure I’m going to make back to the campus with both shoes on and so seeing this pix message made me nostalgic, happy (I was glad THEY were having fun) and incredibly bitter. So I sent back a pix message of my blister.

However, I’m okay now. Being with one’s feelings is partly what meditation practice is about. But I do find myself pining for my friends and a place where the animals aren’t incredibly bizarre. I’ve had a few choice encounters with wildlife in my short time here which I feel are worth recounting. First encounter: I was speaking to my mother on father’s day in the parking lot when I hear a large crash and a giant deer comes careening towards me. I didn’t know what to do so I feebly made an “ahhhh” noise hoping I wouldn’t die on my cell phone with my mom on the other line. The deer however steered away and disappeared into the mountains. But not before elevating my heart rate to an extreme level. Which at this high altitude I can barely stand. Second encounter: a depraved squirrel. Now I thought I was used to crazy squirrels because the Bates campus is home to a lot of them. I think they eat all the discarded Commons desserts and it makes them insane. But anyway, this squirrel looked incredibly haggard and emaciated and crazed. AND it had what looked to me like a piece of meat in its mouth. A piece of meat! Believe me, it was eerie. I was under the impression that squirrels don’t eat meat, just nuts and stuff. They are not cold blooded carnivores in my mind and the realization that squirrels (or at least this squirrel) perhaps are is a big deal to me, paradigm shifts no matter how silly can affect you a lot when all you do is think. Third encounter: (which continuously happens) There are these black beetles here which I think are called Jerusalem bugs however, I think they should be renamed “God’s Mistake” because they have legs that look like human legs put on backward and it makes them walk in circles. It’s very unsettling to see one staggering toward you, you want to run but you know you have to get to the zendo for meditation and it’s in your path but you don’t want to go around because it’s only a beetle. I just try not to look at them.

But beside being afraid and weirded out by the wildlife here and sustaining wounds on my feet, I’m enjoying my time here. I think I am coming up with some nice ideas for further pre-thesis research and I also get the feeling that I’m not horribly mislead when it comes to trying to connect Buddhist philosophy and feminist theory. More on my project later.

Here are some photos of the campus, it’s incredibly beautiful out here:

This is the view from the playground where I make all my phone calls. Cell phone service is hard to come by here.

My bed.

Where I live.

My research notes. Doing them old-school style. It helps me romanticize this whole process.

Shhhh,

Steph

I’ve been chanting. Yes, chanting.

Hi all. I apologize for the lack of posts over the past few weeks as I have been relishing my short time at home and preparing for my Hoffman Fellowship that requires two months away doing pre-thesis research. Currently, I am at Upaya Zen Center and Institute in Santa Fe, New Mexico practicing (which means sitting zazen, which means meditation basically) and doing pre-thesis research (of course). I arrived on Saturday night and have been adjusting to life at a zen center located at a high altitude. I was here for a few days last summer so the adjustment isn’t all that difficult as many things have remained the same. However, I am encountering new faces and the people living and working here are of all ages and participate in the Upaya community for all different reasons. It’s an extremely interesting place to live and be.

What can I say about my life here? Well, I drink a lot of water. If I don’t I’ll faint. I don’t deal well with altitude apparently. I also take very short showers. I save all the water I use and pour it on plants outside because it’s hot and dry here and they need it. I meditate, read, write and get bitten by bugs at night. I eat food with lots of little nuts and grains in it and I don’t get out much. But for me that’s the point.

I find myself reflecting a lot on the past year or so now as I have a lot of time to think for meals are in silence and I work in the kitchen chopping mass amounts of vegetables and washing dishes which can often turn into anti-social activities. After being here for a few days I’ve realized that grants are a huge untapped resource here at Bates. Bates is very generous with grant money and offers grants for all types of experiences and work opportunities, especially for over the summer months. I’ve had a friend travel overseas to do a pilgrimage and explore the roots of her religion and a friend who received money to travel the USA taking photos. Now I can add myself to the list of summer grant recipients. I guess what impresses me the most is that Bates seems open to grant ideas that are certainly not vanilla. I was pleasantly surprised when I learned I received a grant not only because I am invested in my idea but also because I consider my grant application rather unusual. I mean, here I am at a zen center eating in silence, bowing an immense number of times a day, chanting prayers about how the awakened way in unsurpassable and how I vow to embody it and ranting about the connections between Buddhism and feminism to anyone who will listen. Very rad of Bates to fund my doing this, I must say.

To check out some of the summer grant opportunities Bates offers visit:

Bates Summer Grants Summary

I am also learning how to sit for long periods of time. It’s more difficult than one would think…

Shhhh,

Steph

How To Sleep At College

So, I’m typing this entry while techno that leaves something to be desired is being blasted by my next door neighbor. When I’m in my room I tend to feel as if my life has a constant crappy bass-line. Now I had a conversation with a friend about the rules and regulations involving blasting music. On weekdays we agreed on 11. What if one has class at 8 in the morning? 11 is definitely the appropriate time. Weekends, 2 am. Why I’m not quite sure, I guess it just seems appropriate. Sleep at 2, wake at 10, that’s a good 8 hours that still allows one to have productive weekend days.

But unfortunately, (there’s always a but) these rules are often broken. It is something we all have to deal with at least once in our college careers. In fact, sleeping in general at college is more difficult than one would think. Firstly, when one has roommates one must deal with late-night AIM chats accompanied by creepy little giggles. One must deal with typing noises, with phone conversations and with the infamous desk lamp. They need to read. You need to sleep. They need light, you hate the light at that specific point in time.

Q: What do you do in this situation?

A: You put on the handy eye mask you saw in Bed, Bath and Beyond and just had to buy!

This is me my freshman year with an eye mask courtesy of Delta airlines. Eye masks are offered to you more often that you’d think… don’t ever pass one up again. It is indispensable when it comes to sleeping at college in my book.

To deal with the creepy giggles, the incessant typing, terrifying techno and the drunk dudes yelling next door you need at least one of these three things:

1. a fan

A fan is priceless. I can sleep without the placid whirring but I’d rather not. Climb into bed, turn on the fan and you’ve got a white noise machine that also cools the room down. In the winter I just point it at the wall. I’m unsure if that does anything but it’s better than having it blow directly at you causing you to don a sweat suit before bed. A fan is good for subtle sounds such as late night typing, the shower being used at 4 am or Batesies yelling/singing as they pass by your open window. However, one must use with caution because it’s dry in the winter and if the fan is directed at your face you will wake up wishing you had never been born because your tonsils feel like they’ve been freeze-dried.

2. earplugs (preferably the wax kind)

Earplugs have the ability to block out the sound of yelling in the hallway right outside your door. They are extremely effective if your dorm/house is hosting a party. However, earplugs do not erase the sound of thumping bass lines. They also tend to fall out in the middle of the night and stick to your body in weird places. For the ever persistent and ever tricky bass beats you must resort to…

3. a music playing device (Ipod, CD player, whatever you’ve got that can plug into headphones)

This is the ultimate sleep aid as it can block out any sound at all. You might be blasting out your eardrums with Sigur Ros but at least you’re not vibrating to Better, Faster, Stronger.

I’m a fan and earplug girl myself.

shhhh,

Steph

Lobsters Taste Like the Ocean

So the saying goes you learn something new everyday. I thought I knew what lobster tasted like. Apparently I was living a lie because I ate some choice morsels of lobster on Sunday during the annual short term clambake and it tasted far from what I had believed. It tasted exactly like the ocean. Which makes sense. I don’t know why that experience engendered such a paradigm shift in my thought. Maybe because these days I have less that I have to think about and so lobster tasting like ocean ends up pretty high on the list of topics to muse on.

Other things happened besides tasting lobster. I drove to Popham Beach with a couple of friends and it was a beautiful day though a bit chilly. We ended up sitting next to some friends in a choice location. While others went to get their food, I stayed behind with a good friend and we people watched. My personal favorite was the family of three (mom, daughter and dad) playing catch. No one in the family could throw or catch and the daughter kept blaming her dad when she missed the ball (a strategy I know all too well). It was cute, like watching a slightly poorly scripted movie that was heartwarming and entertaining anyway.

All in all it was a near 10 point day. Good eats, good tunes, good people, good weather and the ocean is always cool.  As is short term.  Popham beach will always hold a place in my heart when I think about my time at Bates as I’ve certainly had some good times there. It is most remembered for the dead whale fiasco which I think at this point I shall address in another post titled “dead wale fiasco”.

Shhh,

Steph

Here are a few pictures from the day. Mind you I am no photographer and my friends usually don’t travel 40 minutes to sleep even though it looks like we do in these pictures…

When Hot, Think Cold

So today after traipsing around in the woods outside of Merrill Gym for my short term course in Forensic Science I ate lunch, filled out an evaluation of my abroad program and lay myself down on the Quad to enjoy the sun. However, about 7 minutes into my sunbathing I came to the unsettling realization that I was hot. I wasn’t just warm but I was hot. Being more sensitive to temperature than most of the people I know, I was so hot I couldn’t sit in the sun anymore and had to move. Sitting alone 8 feet away from my group of friends in a semi-shady region I began to reminisce about winter at Bates (as I had no one to talk to because no one wanted to sit in the shade with me).

Many defame the winter once winter semester comes to a close and spring begins. Everyone gets sick of seeing ugly, gigantic piles of snow that seem like they will never go away. People get fed up with not being able to sit outside or wear sandals. However, it seems that once the snow melts and spring arrives, Batesies forget that there even was a winter. They forget that the ground they are sitting on was just recently covered in mud-snow. But despite all of its potential depressing effects, winter at Bates is MAGICAL. And I say magical because I mean it’s of or pertaining to magic and mysteriously enchanting.

My favorite winter day this academic year would have to be the ice storm in February. Staying with a friend in Auburn, we awoke on a Wednesday morning, walked outside and my jaw just dropped. I have never, never seen ice look so awesome in my life. When I was really young there was an ice storm in D.C where I lived at the time and my dad and some neighbors had to go chip away ice covering the drainpipes lining the street which was cool but this ice storm rivaled even that. With every gust of wind the trees tinkled, they actually tinkled because each and every branch was covered in a thin layer of ice. The entire landscape glistened and tinkled and it was magical. So the next time you find yourself forgetting the snow, appreciate it for it is not all bad and remember that it’s way easier to make yourself warmer than to make yourself cooler.

Shhh,

Steph

Here are a few pictures from the February storm:

It’s a metaphor fool

So I just listened to a voicemail from my mother alerting me to the fact that she and my dad are having “Chef’s Special” tonight. Now Chef’s Special is a dish that consists of fried tofu and sauteed spinach and tomatoes. I thought it was good the first time I ate it the summer that I was home between freshman and sophomore year at Bates. However, she then continued to make it regularly and I began to secretly hate it. Finally I decided to publically hate it at the dinner table. After this moment Chef’s Special quickly became a family joke along the lines of “Oh don’t you miss being home? We’re having Chef’s Special tonight!” To connect this little story to Bates life, I must say in the most basic, superficial way I like being at Bates because I don’t have to choke down Chef’s Special every night. Plus, my mom ended the message with “We’ll click out tofu filled forks together and think of you” which is just an amazing thing to say.

Besides the fact that Bates is wonderful because I know I’ll never see Chef’s Special in Commons, one of the most lovable things about Bates for me is the people. I think it’s appropriate to include in the first post a metaphor I realized about Bates this past weekend. On Saturday, Bowdoin hosted a free show featuring Talib Kweli and Naughty by Nature. The weather was beautiful, the car ride to Brunswick pleasing and one of my friends and I organized a little picnic. As we explored the area we ran into many different groups of Bates students (cliques some might say) and though the Bates population was not giving Bowdoin kids a run for their money in terms of attendance, there were quite a few Batesies at the show. The show was on the Bowdoin quad and as I looked around I realized that all the different groups of Batsies had congregated in the same area. Though we weren’t all holding hands and singing songs, we were all sitting close together and it seemed as if we had all gravitated toward each other. Here is an example where different groups of Bates friends all congregated in a non-Bates environment because at Bates, we like each other and we like being together for the most part. Bates students are friendly, open, know how to have fun and appreciate each other. For me, being a Batesie means being part of a community comprised of members who know how to enjoy each other’s company wherever and whenever.

Shhhh,

Steph