A Bates-Infused Weekend

We all know the maxim “It’s a small world.”  Although this isn’t geographically true (though I guess compared to the rest of the universe or even the Milky Way, Earth is a small world) it certainly held true for me this weekend in Boston.  This was a weekend of Bates and a weekend of bizarre connections- one after the other.

It all began this past Friday night when a former Batesie was turning 25.  His girlfriend (also a Batesie) hosted a party for him to which Jordan and I were invited along with a few of our Bates friends in the Boston area.  To add to this Bates people mash one of Jordan’s old friends from Bates was coming up from NY to visit for a night and to attend the birthday bash.

So we began the night by heading to our friend’s (another Bates grad) apartment for a delicious Italian dinner and to meet up with the visiting NY Batesie.  We then all piled into Jordan’s Mini which is always quite the event.  Before leaving the house Jordan took me aside and said, “I know you’re the tiniest but you’re the queen.  Therefore you shouldn’t be afraid to take the front seat.”

It’s true.  I get afraid to take the front seat in the Mini because I usually am the tiniest.  Therefore I feel guilty when people have to squeeze into the back.  But really, I am the queen, and as a woman I recognize that I need to take what’s given to me with a zealous energy- bigger salaries, the front seat of the Mini- I want it all!

Anyway, we drove to the party (me sitting in front) and it was a total trip from the moment we entered the apartment.  I saw people I hadn’t seen since I was a freshman at Bates.  I ran into Mitch Cote-Crosskill who told me he had read my blogpost about his book.  I was mortified.  I guess I was mortified because I didn’t think anyone read my blog besides my parents and roommates.  I mean, Jordan doesn’t even read it regularly.

So, when Jordan said (a bit intensely if you ask me, he has this thing about the internet and privacy) “Of course he read it, you’re surprised about that?  You put it on the internet!” I was philosophically dumbfounded.  Yes, in theory I know my blog is online for all to see but in practice it doesn’t feel that way.  I mean, I haven’t gotten offered one book deal.  So needless to say I was surprised and slightly mortified at having had someone I wrote about actually read my blog and now I am intensely considering what I write in case someone who doesn’t have to love me because they birthed me or are my best friends reads it and gets offended.

But anyway, I met all these kids I hadn’t seen for forever- caught up on some Bates gossip and left the party with plans to meet Batesies for brunch at my favorite diner the next morning.

Meeting at the diner- we all ate eggs and pancakes and talked about jobs.  Jordan aptly pointed out that everyone at the table happened to be employed and we took a moment of silence to recognize that amazing fact.  I found out that one of the people I was eating with lived with Hamilton students who were the friends of one of my good friends from home (CT) who is also living in Boston currently.  A mouthful, no?  Small world.

Upon leaving the diner NY Bates boy, our Bates friend, Jordan, and I went to a craft show the South End that I had seen advertised one day at work.  It was held in a large area of art galleries- a cool area, I plan to go back there when it’s warm.

I personally liked the craft fair because there were lots of knitted things and jewelry.  There was also a brownie stand (yes, a brownie stand) and I bought an amazing peanut butter brownie, which I ate all of right after the egg and pancake breakfast and thought I was going to go into a food/ diabetic coma in the middle of the craft show.

Our NY Bates friend was at least interested by it- he’s a photographer by trade.  I don’t think Jordan loved it but he wouldn’t begrudge me my craft time.  Our other mutual friend didn’t like it so much.  In fact, I think he called it “excruciating.”  He’s a computer dude- he likes Macs, not wuwu 40-year-old women making scented soaps and rings with rocks the size of a half dollar.  Even I must say, I would have enjoyed it a bit more if there were a stand where I could have gotten a needlepoint pattern of kittens in a field or a paint-by-numbers of the Pope.  But oh well.

After the craft show as I was munching on my brownie we decided to check out some other galleries.  This is where I got my next Bates shock of the weekend.  One of the studios had the name William Pope.L on the door.  “Look, look!” I cried to Jordan.  “It’s Pope.L!  That’s crazy!”  Jordan couldn’t see the sign at first as he’s rather blind but finally after emphatically pointing for a while he noticed.  We decided to check it out.  The gallery was enclosed by a tarp- of course Dave and Jordan went right in (the artists of the group).  Our other Bates friend was hesitant as was I (I’m afraid of authority and trespassing).  “It’s under construction guys,” he said.  “We shouldn’t go in.”  It turned out the tarp was part of the piece (I don’t understand art at all).  Here are some photos Jordan took of his exhibit (This is after I said “Oh, crap!  I should blog about this!  I wish I had my camera!”  Luckily his fancy phone IS a camera!):

Inside the gallery

Pope.L is a teacher at Bates who is well known for his work with color and race.  Though I’ve never taken a class with him, some of my friends have and I’ve enjoyed going to the performance art pieces his students put on each year at Bates.

Finally, after the Pope.L experience, we went into some more galleries, got locked in a staircase, and escaped through an emergency exit (it was an emergency).  At that point we said goodbye to our NY friend who was traveling home and parted ways.

Bates kids in an elevator!

A cat sculpture I liked of which I made Jordan take a picture.

I still can’t get over how much my weekend was infused by Bates.  Batesies really are everywhere.  In fact, one is training me for my new job.  Also, I almost crashed on my way to work last week trying to see who was driving an SUV with a Bates sticker on it.  Trying to spy on your college’s alums while driving- more dangerous than texting.  But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Shhhh,

Steph

My First Resignation Ever

I’ve finally done it.  I’ve finally received a job offer for my dream position- a job in the development office of a prestigious university working for their Parents Fund.  I accepted it of course!

What this means is that I’ve succeeded in my job hunt.  I began this whole process without a clear idea of what I wanted to do, and I managed to discover what (I think) I want to do as a career and the industry that I want to work in and then I managed to secure a job that fits these parameters.  I had a goal and I just achieved it.  And it took a while- about 7 months to be exact.  But it happened!

While I am elated and excited for all the new opportunities this job will afford me, I have realized that stressors have not entirely left my life (such is life I guess).  I was so excited about this new job and then I realized- now I had to quit my current job.  The job where everyone had been so kind to me, had taken me in, and had moved me from a temp to a full-time employee.  In short, I was really afraid to resign. 

I felt about resigning from the bank like I used to feel in high school when I would break up with a boyfriend who I thought was nice but just knew that we wouldn’t go anywhere because he wasn’t EXACTLY what I wanted (I’m picky).  And you know how nerve-wracking those situations are- the “it’s not you, it’s me” plea, the “I’m sorry, don’t cry, I just don’t like you like that” explanation, and the infamous “I hope we can still be friends.”  I couldn’t believe I had to do this to my bosses and since I had never quit an actual job before, I had no idea where to start.  But I desperately hoped we could still be friends.

So of course I went on the internet and looked up “How to give your two weeks’ notice.”  First off, I learned that not all jobs require the employee to work two weeks before leaving- you have to tailor my advice to the specific position you hold.  In my job, it was unclear exactly how quitting should be done so I decided to give two weeks’ notice out of respect for my employers. 

All the websites I explored suggested that I write a letter of resignation that my bosses could have on file, send to HR, and that I could keep for my files.  In this letter I was to state that this was my formal two weeks’ notice, state my final work day, and then I could feel free to add any other thoughts I had.  In this letter you are not obliged to say anything about your new position unless you want to.  I chose to keep it vague in my letter and was prepared to give more information if they inquired further in person.  However, the internet cautioned me against complaining in this letter- burning bridges at this time is not recommended.  Ideally, one would like to leave the resignation situation on a good note.  I want my bosses to be willing to write me a recommendation in the future/ perhaps give me a good deal on a refinance.  And anyway I had no complaints so that made it easy.

So, I wrote my resignation letter the morning that I planned to resign.  Here is a copy of it with information removed for privacy reasons:

February 2, 2010

Bosses’ names and titles and business address

Dear (bosses),

This is a formal notification that I am giving my two weeks’ notice.  My final day will be Friday February 12^th or earlier if my services are not needed.

I have enjoyed working in (the bank’s) Office and it saddens me to leave however, I have been presented with an opportunity to begin a career in nonprofit development and cannot in good faith give up this offer. 

Though mortgage banking was never where I saw myself, I joined your office team because of the people- I have had a wonderful and positive “first job” experience and will never forget your kindness, humor, and understanding.

I am prepared to do whatever is needed to aid in the transition and I thank you for such a wonderful few months.  I wish you all continued success!

Warmly,

Stephanie Howson

So, after I drafted this note, I knew I would have to take it to them and tell them the news.  I decided to do it in the morning rather than the afternoon- then it wouldn’t look like I had been holding this information from them and they could have the day to strategize.  I went in, frightened that they would get angry and yell or something (when people raise their voices I cry… without fail.  I can’t help it.  Jordan knows.)

So I went in expecting the worst and instead, had the most positive resignation experience ever!  My bosses were kind and warm, they told me they didn’t want me to leave but that they were happy for me.  They said there was always a place at the bank for me and that they both would be willing to write me a recommendation in the future.  (The recommendation is key- another thing one must consider when resigning.  Make sure to ask for a recommendation if you have had a good relationship with your bosses, you want to have it on file for your future endeavors.  You made some contacts while working, don’t let those slip away!)

After giving the news, I then stated when my last day would be and asked what they would need help with to aid the transition (I basically just followed the structure of my letter).  We decided how much longer I would stay and then I went back to my desk.  Wonderfully, it hasn’t been awkward since then, this is a fabulous office!

The next step I took was to write my coworkers a mass email that echoed my resignation letter.  I expressed how wonderful it was to work with everyone and that I appreciated them.  I also stated that I would love to stay in touch.  (I’ve already become Facebook friends with a coworker.)  After sending this email I got a deluge of replies- all wishing me well and asking to where I was off.  I chose to tell people who asked because I trust them, though again, you are not obliged to share that information.

I have to say, as my first resignation experience, I couldn’t have dreamed it to be any better.  No one yelled, I wasn’t kicked out immediately, my coworkers expressed regret but also happiness at my new opportunity, I have two new and solid references, and I made new friends.  And I was also told I could come to next year’s holiday party.  I think that means I really made it!

Shhhh,

Steph

The Grad School Dilemma

So a few people in my life have begun to make decisions about their educational future- specifically what they have in mind for their masters degree. Jordan just got into a prestigious summer program to catapult him on his way to his MBA dreams. One of my Bates roommates is studying furiously for the GREs so she can get a degree in some field of education and I just had a conversation with one of my other Bates roommates who decided she wants to get a masters in some form of counseling. It’s crazy that plans that are being made and so soon after graduation!

However, this is prudent behavior according to many career advice gurus. Getting a specialized degree early allows you to take better advantage of your time in the workplace. Why get a masters when you’re 50 when it can help you make more money and get a better job now? Plus, doesn’t more school seem like a great idea in this dismal economic climate?

Well, unfortunately not everyone agrees that graduate school is the best move right now. In fact, bloggers like Penelope Trunk consistently hate on graduate school- especially in this bad economy. She says it’s a waste of money and that it doesn’t provide you with any concrete work experience. Therefore, why go into debt to get another fancy piece of paper?   

However, both my parents have graduate degrees and I can’t seem to imagine my future without the eventual graduate school experience. Needless to say, these days I am finding myself pulled in two different directions by two competing ideologies- 1) the idea that grad school is a money sucking waste and isn’t worth the money and 2) the idea that one needs a graduate degree to get any sort of decent position. With some of my best friends beginning their graduate school path and with bloggers whom I love debasing the graduate experience, I am lost.

I must say though, many of the job descriptions I looked at asked for master’s degrees. Though I love Penelope Trunk and would trust her with my career- I don’t know if I have the gumption to toss grad school right out the window. So I’ve come up with a hybrid plan that embraces a bit of both ideologies.

What I mean by that is I think I’ve decided for right now that when I do have a better idea of what degree I want, I’ll pursue it part-time. Then I can work on the side. This is for two reasons, one being that I don’t think I’ll feel fulfilled just engaging in Master’s work. I don’t see myself ever being fulfilled by a solely academic lifestyle ever again.

Not everyone feels this way mind you- Jordan’s chomping at the bit to get back into academia. He told me the other day after I made a disparaging comment about someone with a backpack that he missed writing papers. Really? Ew. But hate the message, not the messenger.

Anyway, I don’t want that. I need a work life now. So not only will doing graduate school part-time allow me to be engaged in things other than academia, I will also continue to get real-life experience in the workplace. It’s the perfect combo of theory and praxis! And I can be making some monies while going to school and I won’t have to teach because I am not someone who would like standing up in front of a classroom telling people how it is. In other words, I don’t want to be THE authority (too much responsibility). I’d like to be AN authority (which I think is testament to why I argue with my parents so much) but not THE authority.

So, there you have it. My way to dodge middle-class education guilt and poor financial decisions: I’ll go to grad school- just not all the time.

Shhhh,

Steph

A Comment from Mr. Howson

My Dad, who is an avid reader of this blog, took issue with my “Is College Worth It?” post and sent me an email with what he would have posted in a comment if that were allowed. (To his credit, the points were well argued and were, though I hate to say it, mostly correct) 

Now, my father is a smart man and he has lots of things to say. Because there are no comments allowed on my blog, I thought I take initiative and provide the space for his voice to get heard. Why? Because I love him just as much as he loves me. So here is what my dad would’ve said in a comment if he had been allowed to do so:

First, you write “I never thought about taking a year off, I never thought that maybe schooling outside of the liberal arts might be something in which I would be interested, and when I was accepted and began the journey to my B.A., god help me if I decided to take time off during college. “Just get it done” seemed to be the college mantra in my family.”

Sorry, daughter. I don’t buy that. As your dad, I would have totally supported your taking a year (or more) off during your college years as long as you did something risky, even personally risky–something that would have tugged at and perhaps torn asunder the boundaries of your middle class existence. My preference would have been for you to work in a refugee or displaced persons camp somewhere in the world (preferable in a place where your skin color or perceived religious preference would have made you stand out like a big and very sore thumb). You never asked, so I never weighed in on this issue.

Second, you write “Now, I agree that there are other ways to learn (self-education is no myth- I send Jordan numerous emails a day about random facts like how scientists have found that the Y chromosome is deteriorating while the X is actually getting stronger).”

I wish to set the scientific record straight on this issue. I agree that we males have much historically, politically, socially, psychologically, psychically (you name it) to answer for and we don’t–at least those of us that have a modicum of honesty left–have the answers to give in response. Yet, I wish to come to the defense of the Y chromosome–a presumed tottering and doddering entity that one angry group of women told me when I was a tender 21 years of age is simply an X chromosome whose little lower right leg had fallen off during the rigors of evolution. Thus, they told me, males are nothing more than imperfect females.

In fact, recent findings suggest that the Y chromosome is actually a daring, creative, adapting and questioning little packet of DNA. Just like our little male cat, Bisou, who routinely racks up hundreds of dollars in surgical vet bills for battles that he should not be getting into. What a guy!

To quote a recent piece on NPR (All Things Considered): “Scientists say men are still evolving, despite earlier evidence to the contrary. Researchers at MIT reached that conclusion after completing a detailed comparison of the Y chromosomes from chimps and humans. The results were just published online by the journal Nature.

The Y chromosome is what makes most male mammals male–platypuses excepted. It’s one of a pair of sex chromosomes that determine gender. Females have two X chromosomes, males have an X and a Y. And the MIT study showed that genes on the Y chromosomes of both chimps and people are changing at a rapid pace.

“The Y chromosome looks like it has a lot of life left in it,” says David Page, an author of the study and director of the Whitehead Institute at MIT. In fact, he says, the Y chromosome looks to be “the most evolutionary dynamic part of our genome.” You go, guy! [emphasis mine].

That’s a dramatic reversal from just a few years ago, when scientists were suggesting the human Y chromosome was in trouble and might be headed for extinction. In 2000, for example, a team from the University of Edinburgh presented evidence that that Y chromosome had become “genetically degenerate.”

Their concern came from research showing that during 300 million years of evolution the X chromosome had retained many hundreds of genes. Meanwhile, the Y chromosome appeared to be in “an evolutionary freefall” with just 70 or 80 genes left, Page says.

But the new study revealed that even a small number of genes can do a lot of evolving. “It’s as if the Y chromosome is a house that’s constantly being remodeled,” Page says. And in the six million or so years since chimps and humans descended from a common ancestor, that remodeling has been taking place at a furious pace, he says.”

So, as the proud holder of a Y chromosome who would have totally supported his dearly loved and talented XX offspring taking a year or more off from college (provided she wanted to crack open her cosmic egg in doing so), this would have been my post in your blog.

None of this, of course, obscures the fact that I love you very much and that I will be there for you 100% in your life, no matter where you go or what you do. Why, you ask? Y, indeed.

Love,

Your dad.

Well Dad, points taken. I will concede that the “family mantra” comment was a misquote but I’ll have you know that mom stressed the fact that I should finish college in four years. I suspect this comes from her past experience with higher education- she had to pay her way through school. When you’re shelling out the bucks, who wants to be there longer than they have to? It makes sense that she would want to be out as soon as possible and therefore it makes sense for her to want that for me. That was her experience.

In regards to the Y chromosome article- Genetics, Vol. 180, 957-967 said it, not me. I just thought it was a fascinating idea. Though again to your credit, the article is a bit outdated- soooooooo 2008.  But anyway, I think Y chromosomes are fine and I’d be sad if they degenerated into genetic drivel. I never meant to offend men as a group.

But again, like I said above, points taken. I’m proud to have you as my dad even though you don’t let me intellectually get away with anything. But that’s one reason (of many) why I love you.

Shhhh,

Steph

The Post-College Experience

The other weekend I was hanging out with some Bates alumni and was alerted to the fact that someone I used to know back when I was a freshman actually wrote and published a book.  The book is by Mitch Cote-Crosskill (class of ’05 I think) and it’s titled The Valedictorians.  In summary the book is about four college friends who move away from home (to Boston, how fitting) after graduation and are forced to navigate the nuances of post-graduate life.

I was excited to read this book for a few reasons: 1) I knew the kid that wrote it, 2) It was a Bates student (gotta support alumni), 3) I’m fascinated by the post-college experience and our generations’ view of it, and 4) I wanted to see how Mitch communicated this bizarre time.

I personally think that post-college graduates are quite an untapped market and I wonder why capitalism hasn’t just snatched us all up offering us all sorts of things to buy.  There haven’t been that many movies or TV shows made about this time post-college and barely any products targeted specifically to new college grads that describe our experience.  They (whoever “they” is) should.  Some big corporation should purchase the rights to my blog and give me a book deal.  I swear it’d be lucrative.

But anyway, I must say, I thought Mitch’s book was good.  The story pulled me along and I finished the entire thing in two days.  However, I had a hard time relating to the story in a way because I couldn’t relate to the characters.  The book was about four men who party hard (did so in college, continued to after graduation)  and the main character begins the book not really caring at all about his life post-grad.  There’s a lot of womanizing in it and talk of hook-up culture and everyone seems to have a meaningless job without any career aspirations (except the one kid who runs a lot and is studying to go to med school).  I mean, the book begins with the main character passed-out drunk on his floor with a woman he doesn’t recognize (at first) in his bed.  Well, I’ve never had an experience like that (really, I haven’t) and this lackadaisical bumming-around attitude is not something I’ve ever possessed.

Beyond not being able to relate to the main characters because of their party-dudeness, I also couldn’t relate to the story because I find post-college life difficult for different reasons than characters in The Valedictorians.  The time post-college is difficult for most people yes, because most are making a huge life change.  Moving from a campus on which you spent the majority of four years time into the outside world is jarring.  Big changes like this are difficult, especially when you had gotten used to campus security, card keys, the health center within walking distance, and having all meals provided.

The men in The Valedictorians are the type of people that LOVED college.  You know what I mean- the people who deem their college years to be the best years of their lives (even though they’re only in their 20s) and loved everything about the experience.  Therefore, upon leaving, nothing seems as good as college and they can’t handle it.  They become depressed and can’t face reality, hence Mitch’s book.

Now don’t get me wrong, I liked college a lot.  But the difference is I liked it because I liked spending four years of my time learning, I liked meeting my best friends, and I liked feeling a sense of independence (which I realize now is independence in a VERY nascent form).  I have no desire to return to college now that I’ve had the experience.  And I don’t think that college was the best time of my life nor was it my glory years (I hope).  That would mean my glory years would have consisted of going partially blind and smoking cigarettes until I got asthma.  Yikes.

Yet, though I am convinced that college was not the best time of my life, I’m so grateful and happy to have had the privilege to have that experience.  And I still found post-college life to be incredibly difficult.  This is not because I face another 60 years of mediocrity (I’ll never feel as powerful as when I was crying because I spent the weekend righting 40 pages of my thesis only to find out in a lucid moment that they didn’t make sense.  Yeah right.)  This is because post-college life is hard.  No matter who you are.  And no matter whether you deemed those years your best or not.

However, unlike the men in Mitch’s book- I am not lost because life post- college isn’t as cool as college.  I’m lost because that’s just what happens when you don’t have a clear trajectory painted for you anymore.  There are no Gen Life Requirements.  You don’t have to engage in minimum six life classes per year.  Life after college isn’t broken up into 100, 200, 300, and 400 levels.  And when I decided I wanted to begin a career in development- there was no list I could turn to that would tell me what courses I would need to take to succeed.  And this lack of structure after having so much structure makes it hard for a lot of people, including me.

So what Mitch’s book made me realize is that the post-college experience is like any human experience.  There are commonalities among groups and also differences that really set post-college experiences apart.  Not everyone experiences post-college life the same way, but I guarantee it’s not a cake walk for anyone.  And if it was for you, you should write a book because I’d buy it.  (See, capitalism rears its head again!)

And if any of you out there are reading and looking for a flush business idea- do something based on the post-college experience.  Like a “God Are You There?  It’s Me, Bitter and Lost Post-College Graduate”-type book or something.  I would buy that too.

Shhhh,

Steph

Is College “Worth It”?

I’m surprised at the online conversations I’ve come across over the past few weeks that discuss the question of whether college is “worth it.”  First, what do these people mean when they said “worth it.”  I assume most of them are doing a cost-benefit analysis like this blog post here.  Or this one.  So the “it” in “worth it” is money and time (if you believe time is money).

People like Bryan Caplan (who is apparently writing a book about this topic) makes the argument that there is too much education going on and that a degree from a university “mostly functions to signal prior competence.”  The argument is why pay $200,000 for merely a symbol of competence?  Why just not gain skills outside of college for a lot less money and time?

Well this makes sense in some cases- for those who don’t feel college is “right” for them or for people who simply cannot pay.  The act of going college is sometimes referred to as a social ritual and I agree wholeheartedly with this categorization.  College attendance, especially at elite (aka expensive) schools, is extremely classed and raced among other things, which makes it like a “rite of passage”- not a guaranteed passage into the upper middle class, but at least a passage into a group of people who might someday become upper middle class if they aren’t already. 

Take me for example.  I am a white, able bodied and minded woman who spent her teenage years living in Westport, CT (a town to which Maureen Dowd referred in her book Are Men Necessary?when trying to explain the town in The Stepford Wives).  I went to a high ranking public high school and I did well for myself there.  I never even thought twice about going to college and not a lot of kids at my school did.  I never thought about taking a year off, I never thought that maybe schooling outside of the liberal arts might be something in which I would be interested, and when I was accepted and began the journey to my B.A., god help me if I decided to take time off during college.  “Just get it done” seemed to be the college mantra in my family.

So yes, college is not an experience that everyone has the privilege of partaking in and yes, for some college is really not the best choice.  There are a few people I met in my time at Bates that really weren’t meant to be in college and this was not because they weren’t smart (they were incredibly intelligent) but because that type of structured environment was not where they flourished.  I dig that.  For some, college is not the best choice.

But in terms of a cost-benefit analysis, I feel safe in saying that 98% of the (numerous) jobs I have applied to since my college graduation have required a bachelor’s degree.  The other 1.9% I applied to required at least an associate’s degree.  The other .1% is made up of an application to work as a sales associate at LUSH because I wanted 50% off their products and can talk about face wash hours.  My retail dream quickly faded once I realized it would be like working in a classier Yankee Candle Co.- the smell would be overwhelming and I would have no money because I would spend it all on products.  I’m sure I’d have great skin though.

So, based on my own personal experience, college seems to be “worth it” in my attempts to find a job.  Especially in this economy.  Now, I agree that there are other ways to learn (self-education is no myth- I send Jordan numerous emails a day about random facts like how scientists have found that the Y chromosome is deteriorating while the X is actually getting stronger).  I also agree that people can be highly intelligent and functional, doing well by themselves and others, without having had much schooling at all.  All I am saying is that in my experience a college degree seems pretty necessary to get positions in organizations, corporations, and institutions.  In fact, for what I want to do, a graduate degree is pretty much required.

In closing, I recommend that instead of letting these blogs freak you out about whether you should go to college/ should have spent that huge sum of money on a college degree- think about yourself and what you want.  Don’t poo-poo on anything until you’ve thought deeply about what you want for yourself.  I’d be so sad (and not as savvy or as good of a critical thinker/ arguer) if I hadn’t gotten my BA from Bates (though my parents could have gotten some new cars and then some).  If I hadn’t gone to college I wouldn’t be able to argue with Jordan about what defines sex or how you can still be a productive human being even if you strive to achieve the Buddhist ideal of eliminating desire.   

As Socrates once said, “Know thyself.”  I would add to that maxim “Know thyself and then thou can do a cost-benefit analysis regarding thou’s education plans.”  Though higher education can often be about status (hence why it’s a social ritual in some groups) it doesn’t have to be.  It should be about you.  Thou.

Shhhh,

Steph

The H1N1 Excuse

I had the day off on Martin Luther King Day so I had a whole day to decide what I wanted/ needed to do.  I decided to take a trip to Jordan’s school to get my H1N1 vaccine because god knows it has been difficult to find it anywhere else.  As I got injected with the vaccine by the nice nurse, I thought about with whom I should share this event.  Because getting vaccinated for H1N1 and telling people means that I’ve blown my one chance to “get out of jail free” due to the H1N1 excuse.

Think about it- H1N1 has been so hyped-up that no one wants to deal with anyone who may have the slightest chance of having swine flu.  I remember my senior year of college 1 of my 5 roommates got sick with “flu-like symptoms.”  She came back from the health center with some medicine and one of those white surgical masks.  She then proceeded to talk about how ridiculous it was that they told her to wear the mask and threw it in the trash.  “No!” we all cried, eyes wide with fear.  She was offended that we didn’t believe she was swine-flu-free and that we wanted her to wear the mask (at least around the apartment).  We were being slightly ridiculous now that I look back on the incident (she didn’t have swine flu) but at the time I feared for my existence and I was thinking selfishly.  But come to think of it, perhaps breathing in a surgical mask might be better for a sore throat because it’s like a mini humidifier.  We’ll never know.

Fast-forward to this past Friday night when Jordan and I spent the evening at a Batesie’s apartment.  Somehow H1N1 came up as a topic of conversation and one of the partygoers began to tell us about his swine flu experience.  He said his girlfriend wouldn’t come near him.  “She would come and drop off food for me but refuse to eat with me!” he said indignantly.  “I was told to stay away from him!” she said in defense.  I pictured a Count of Monte Cristo-type scene with her pushing a plate of gruel under his prison door.  I don’t know what I’d do if Jordan got swine flu but dine with him would certainly not be an activity in which I’d engage. 

In fact, perhaps I’d let him suffer to gain retribution for the time we got stuck in traffic driving to Colby and I really had to pee so I walked way back into the woods by the highway so no one would see me.  Then once I was back in the car I found a very large tick crawling on me and freaked out because I grew up in CT and brushed it out the window and then looked over to see Jordan freaking out too.  I thought it was endearing that he was worried about me until he asked me if he was okay, what if I had brought ticks into the car and he’d been attacked!?  Well, I got angry and told him that ticks would not leave my perfectly viable body to trek across the interior of his Mini just so they could feast on him and give him Lyme disease.  How conceited. 

But anyway, my point is no one wants to be around someone with swine flu and that’s what makes it such a great “get out of jail free” card.  However, you must play this card strategically because you can only use it once.  You will be discredited if you try and pull off having swine flu twice.  You will also be discredited if you tell the world you’ve been vaccinated and then try and tell your boss you’re ill with H1N1.  It doesn’t work that way.  So basically by posting on the internet I’m giving up my H1N1 excuse privilege.  But to tell you the truth- I have tasted the thrill of using our nation’s fear of H1N1 for nefarious purposes once.

When I used it, it was veiled.  I was getting over my sickness from a couple of weeks ago and I got a call from someone who I absolutely did not want to see but who historically was rather persistent.  In order to steer away from the truth that needed not be expressed, I said I was ill and had been “advised to stay secluded.”  I didn’t have to say I had H1N1 and I didn’t have to say who advised me to stay secluded (I advised myself by the way), but I think the person thought that I was infected- and they stopped trying to make a date to get together.

Unfortunately, I’ve realized this tactic won’t work at a bar or in other public places where I sometimes wish I had a way to make people leave me alone.  If I could manage to let the men cat-calling me from their vehicles think that I had swine flu and then cough on them- that would be ideal.  But that won’t work.  Because if you have swine flu you shouldn’t be in public.  And yelling at cat callers never works and can sometimes escalate a situation so I usually stay quiet.  Though one of my roommates responds by barking like a dog (REALLY loudly) and it’s funny.

So, there you have it.  I used the swine flu excuse once and I’m over it (get it?).  And like I said, after this blog post swine flu will no longer be a viable excuse for me.  I’m a little bit sad as I probably didn’t use it to its full potential.  But frankly I’m just glad to have the vaccine.  And hopefully someone else can use my swine flu tip to escape a painful meeting with an ex in order to settle down and watch Gossip Girl with their current partner.  Because you know what they say: the couple that gets vaccinated together stays together.

Shhhh,

Steph

The Job Search Distilled

*Note before reading: Clarification on where you can find the information I discuss in this post and where I found it myself are all included in the past Stealthy Secret blog links at the bottom of this post.

                                                                                                                                                           

A good friend of mine recently told me that she “wanted to get serious about the job hunt.”  She asked me if I could point her to some materials that helped me in my job search process, a process which I realize, like standardized testing, will last until I’m too old to do it anymore.  Really, think about it.  After I took the SAT I wiped my hands and thought “I’m finished with standardized testing for good!”  Imagine my horror when in college I discovered I would probably go on to receive a degree beyond my B.A. and that this would require even more standardized testing.  And also imagine my horror as I experienced Jordan studying for the GRE’s and was witness to his sallow complexion, cranky demeanor, and the sheer number of note cards he looked at over and over and over.

Now I realize that the job search is like this- you are never finished “looking” for a job, especially when you’re young.  You always have your eyes peeled for what’s coming next.  Sigh.

But anyway, this friend wanted to get serious and I was willing to help her.  First, I looked over my past blog posts.  (Note: I did not write anything in June- July 2009.  It’s creepy to me to see that missing time on my blog.  I think I was probably frantically applying to jobs, being lonely in the apartment all day, and not sleeping.  I appreciate where I am now so much more after travelling back in blog-time.)

Then, I mapped out my course of behavior for the job search- behavior that (as I’ve said numerous times before) I should have begun way before I actually did.  But you can’t change the past.  As I recently read in a short story by Tatjana Soli, the past is “just a story that happened to someone else.”  And boy, I was someone else.

I realized that fact a few nights ago when I told Jordan I’d watch The Wire with him.  “Really?” he responded, amazed.  “I thought you hated that show.”  To his credit I did hate the show- it made me cry.  But I realized a few nights ago that it probably made me cry because I was so stressed out in other areas of my life.  “I was unstable back then,” I said.  “I am much more emotionally prepared to watch the show.”  But then some creepy guy with a limp was shooting people and kids began pouring lighter fluid on a cat and I realized maybe I was wrong.  But that still doesn’t change the fact that I feel a lot better about life now than I did when I would rush away from the TV to cry in the bedroom alone.

So here are the steps I distilled from my personal experience with the job search (which has been successful by the way, I’m just a bit bashful about it):

Begin assembling your network.

A network is something you will be falling back upon throughout the entire job search process and pretty much your entire life.  Compile a list of teachers, family, friends, and friends of friends who you can contact to ask about jobs.  Even if you don’t know exactly what you want to do yet, start making this list now.  I keep a book where each page is a different contact.  It contains their contact information, their current position and employer, how I know them, when I contacted them, and what information they offered me (hopefully its more contacts).  I have a big book at this point.

Also, make a list of basic questions you will ask during an informational interview- an interview questioning someone about their career path, their job, and the field in which you are interested.  Once you know what career you’re going for, your questions can become more specific.  Check at your school’s OCS center or online- they offer great lists of potential questions.  I used the list given to me by Bates OCS.  It was a fabulous resource.

Don’t forget: You should be networking throughout this entire process. Every. Single. Day.

Figure out the career you want.

This requires self reflection and research.  I used some career books to help guide my personal reflection by offering questions about my character/skills etc.  What skills do you have?  What do you like to do?  Do you like working with people?  What kind of office environment do you envision yourself in?  What’s important to you: co-workers, money, a flexible schedule?  Do you want to work from home?  Questions like these can all help guide you to a potential career. 

Having a really difficult time?  Start big and work your way to small.  I was interested in nonprofits.  This interest eventually led me to decide that development work in a post-secondary education institution was what I really want.  The development field engages my skills and love of human interaction and colleges and universities engage my passion for learning and commitment to social advocacy.  There you go.

Having a difficult time even thinking big?  Take a Myers-Briggs test online- that can help you figure out what type of person you are and offer some suggestions on where you may find your most rewarding work.  I’m an INFJ.

Figure out the job(s) you want to shoot for.

This is accomplished through research- looking to see what entry-level positions exist within your field or what positions are available to you based on your skills.  Ask your network about this- are there any websites or trade organizations that can give you more information?  Can they tell you the titles of entry level positions?

Create a brand story based on the job you want.  It’s the perfect answer to the “tell me about yourself” question.  How did you become interested in this work?  What types of experiences have led you to desire this career?  What are you doing now to make this career desire a reality?

Make a resume.

This is quite the process, a process in itself.  Use your school’s OCS, websites, and books to help guide you in this process.  Hint: Don’t ask mom and dad.  Their resumes are for old people.  As a college graduate your resume must be structured differently.  For example, education should be at the top because frankly, for most college grads, that’s most impressive thing you’ve accomplished thus far and many employers require some sort of degree beyond high school.

Tailor your resume to the particular field you want to enter.  Find out what skills and experiences to highlight in your resume through research or informational interviews.

Sign up for job alerts and cruise job websites.

There are all sorts of websites with which to do this and they vary depending on your field.  Check with your school’s OCS or ask during informational interviews to figure this out.  I used Craigslist to cruise for job postings (you can search based on field, position title, etc.) and I receive job alerts from Idealist.org, Higheredjobs.com, and Experience.com. 

However, do not rely on email cruising to land you an interview.  Very few jobs are actually landed through online searches.  Many positions are unlisted or listed on organizations’ websites only.  Expand your search beyond craigslist and monster.com.

Start applying!

For an application you’ll usually need a cover letter.  Do some research to make sure your cover letter is professional and job-appropriate.  Note: See if you can get in contact with someone from the organization before you apply.  Ask them to do an informational interview or something.  It really helps to have someone in the organization who is willing to vouch for you.  By contacting someone you are also putting a face (or at least a voice) to your application, which always helps it stand out.

Don’t scoff at temporary employment, internships, or volunteer work.  Oftentimes these gigs can turn into a job offer.  The organization will get to know you and know your work.  It’s much easier to move to full-time employment once you’ve been there casually for a while because you’re not as much of a risk.

Keep yourself busy.

Interviewers will ask what you’ve been doing since graduation.  You don’t want to say applying to other jobs and watching MTV.  Volunteer for an organization that is related to what you want to do.  Get an internship for a position that you’d eventually like to have as a job.  These things can beef up your resume (making you a more attractive candidate), give you more experience to put in cover letters, and protect you from a feeling of general uselessness. 

One thing I wish I had done was get a volunteer gig or internship in the first few months I was looking for a job.  I didn’t because I thought I’d get a job right away.  I was wrong.  My advice for you- assume you won’t be getting a job for at least 3 months.  If you have the privilege of being able to not work at all or work only part time while searching for a job that is a good career fit, take advantage of this extra time!  It will lead to big payoffs down the road.

Start preparing for interviews.

Before you’re even asked in for an interview, begin to prepare.  Do some research on “commonly asked interview questions” and make sure you have some stock answers for these.  Look over tips for phone and in person interviews.  Figure out what your greatest weaknesses are and what your coworkers say about you.  Though you don’t have a specific job you can relate your answers to, it will be less work to prepare when you do get an interview.

And finally, don’t get discouraged.

The average is around three to six months for people to actually land a job when searching and in these bad economic times it can certainly take longer.  It took me 6 months to land the job I have now and I was temping here first.  The job search does take time.  When you get no response to the dozens of cover letters you send out remember, this doesn’t reflect on you (most of the time).  It’s a tough market out there and there are hundreds of applications for any given job.  Chances are they know someone on the inside or have people in mind.  Don’t let these shortcomings reflect on your intrinsic value as a job candidate or a human being.

Here is a list of links to posts where I talk about some of these steps in detail and offer some resources:

Existence Overhaul Part I: The Explanation

Existence Overhaul Part 2: Hitting The Books

Existence Overhaul Part 3: Get Off the Couch- What I Wish I Had Known in College That I Am Trying To Do Now To Make Up for Lost Time

Revamping the Resume: A Guide

The First In-Person Interview: Embody Your Cover Letter

Questions To Help You Brag

The Human Cover Letter- Part II

Good luck and happy hunting!  May you defy statistics and find a job by the end of a month!

Shhhh,

Steph

Hooray for the Liberal Arts!

Well hooray for the liberal arts education- that’s all I have to say.

My Bates roomie emailed me this NY Times article today.  It’s about how business schools are beginning to realize the importance that critical thinking plays in any education- even a MBA.  The article talks about the benefits of going beyond accounting courses and understanding business terminology to being able to see patterns in information.  And though this wasn’t an idea that caught fire right away- the article states that pedagogy is slowly beginning to change.  Especially these days.

After speaking to some hotshot professors about the direction that business education needs to travel, the article states that the goal of education, especially a business school education, should be to “imaginatively frame questions and consider multiple perspectives” in order to fulfill “the liberal arts desire.”

Ah, the liberal arts desire.  I think it’s true- specialization over generalization may be in these days when it comes to a specific trade or knowledge of a field but one has to have the skills to synthesize seemingly disparate information.  Because guess what?  Chances are it’s not that different.

Now, this article makes me feel good because my thesis was doing just this- combining two disciplines that on the surface, seem completely different (feminism and Buddhism).  And lo-and-behold, upon further exploration, they are actually strikingly similar.  Interested?  You should be.  Unfortunately I haven’t quite yet recovered from the writing process and need a few more months before I can actually get myself to discuss the topic again but I promise you, it’s smart.  (I’m afraid to read my thesis because I opened it bravely once a couple of months ago and immediately found a typo.  I nearly died.  So I haven’t tried to read it since.)

But anyway, this article makes me feel good because I realize that people are beginning to see the merits of considering different perspectives and thinking critically and creatively.  And this means paying attention to more view points and moving away from how things have been done in the past.  And with all the racism, sexism, and all the other -isms that plague our world right now- moving outside the box, or changing the box as a whole, can never be a bad thing.

So hooray for the liberal arts education and hooray for Bates the small, liberal arts college.  I will always declare that Bates taught me how to think by teaching me how to ask questions.  Maybe now I’ll have a better chance getting into a top business school with my Gender Studies and Religion double degree…

Shhhh,

Steph

More Than A Tickle: Getting Sick After College

Yesterday, I was sitting at my desk when I began to feel a tickle deep in the back of my throat.  You know the kind of tickle I mean, the one that makes you say “I’m going down for sure.”  Soon, the tickle turned into a tickle plus post-nasal drip.  By the time I left the office I was a completely different person than from when I had entered.  I was slow, I couldn’t put together sentences, I was croaking when I did speak, and no, these symptoms weren’t due to a low blood glucose level.  I was sick.

What happened I asked myself?  There were no sick warning signs!  I guess retrospectively the fact that I fell asleep during our incredibly excruciating drive from CT to MA in a “wintery mix” could have been indicative that I was falling ill but one never knows.  All I knew was that when I arrived home last night I felt so poorly I couldn’t even look at Jordan.

“Did I do something wrong?” he finally asked with a worried expression on his face.  “No,” I replied.  “It just hurts too much for me to tilt my head up and since you’re so much taller than me, it’s too painful to look you in the eye.”  Retrospectively again, I must have seemed crazy- I was dressed in a full-on sweat suit and staring at his sternum but it really couldn’t be helped.

This is the first time I’ve been sick since entering the real world (aka. Graduating from Bates and moving in on my own).  Had it been just over half a year ago I would have been wailing to my mother or crawling to the Bates Health Center for some middle-aged woman love.  But I have no middle-aged woman love in Massachusetts.  I have 24-year old busy with his job man love and (as you all probably know, even if you’re a 24-year old busy with his job man) this love does not compare with middle-aged woman love. 

I quickly recognized that I would have to continue without this love a) because the Bates Health Center and my mom were both far away and b) utilizing either of those resources would not make logical sense and also might be construed as creepy.  So, I was on my own.

And I did the only thing I knew how to do- I googled “I have a tickle in my throat.”  Of course I got a variety of responses.  Some said cancer.  Some talked about taking prescription medication.  Some discussed natural remedies and others commiserated about having allergies.  Basically what I learned is that 1) I have post-nasal drip that can be cured naturally by drinking a lot of liquid with various things in it- honey, thyme, lemon, tea, etc. 2) I have post-nasal drip that can be cured by Sudafed and nasal sprays and the medical industrial complex or 3) I have nose/throat cancer.

Now post nasal drip is bad but there were ways, both natural and pharmaceutical, to deal with the issue.  However, my situation doesn’t end there.  Not only am I ill,but my septum piercing is infected.  And blowing your nose when you have a nose ring in it is hard enough, so imagine blowing your nose with an infected nose ring in it.  It’s like torture.  And I can’t remove the ring because it is common piercing knowledge that one is not supposed to remove jewelry from an infected pierce site.  If done, the piercing can close up and trap the infection inside.  Ew.  Don’t do it.

So now I’m stuck with a head cold and a painful septum ring- not fun.  Or attractive for that matter.  But I am pushing on because I’m an adult now.  And after being really cranky last night and going to bed at 9:30, I woke up today feeling ready to face this illness head-on: mom or no mom.  I brought an arsenal of different teas, a container of honey, some lemon in a bag, an inhaler, some Sudafed, and a lunch without dairy products to work with me today.  (Apparently dairy is not good to consume if you’re muscousy as it adds to the mucous and it has molds and little living things in it that can irritate infections.  I don’t know about the mold thing but the mucous thing I believe.  Over the summer when we used to bike around Boston I could never eat ice cream right before biking home or I couldn’t breathe well enough to make it back to the house.  Gross I know, but if you have asthma, don’t try doing it.  It’s like a horror movie.)

But anyway, like all of my post-graduate experiences, what I’ve come to realize is that being sick once you’ve moved out on your own is very different than being ill at Bates or at your childhood home.  You simply cannot function in the same way.  When I was sick at home I stayed in the family room and watched reruns of the Gilmore Girls and ate soup.  When I was sick at Bates I ignored it by treating the symptoms and just hoping that I could get through another day and get all the school work that needed to be completed done.  I would go to class, go to the dining hall, and go back to my room to be sick and do homework.  If it got really bad I would go to the health center.  Or sometimes boys who were trying to woo me would bring me medicine.  Seriously (I got sick a lot).  My freshman year a boy gave me Robitussin.  When I was ill early in our courtship Jordan brought me US magazines (a different type of medicine but medicine none-the-less). 

Now however, being sick makes basic things like my morning commute, or sitting at my desk for 9 hours really REALLY difficult.  Especially because I’m not used to doing these tasks while feeling poorly.  And then, if I need to go to the doctor- it’s not upstairs or a short walk away.  I have to plan the doctor’s visit and miss work, I need to drive to the office, and I need to pay for the appointment out of my own little pocket.  And no more medicine from boys- just really old Sudafed that I convinced myself was okay to take because it’s expiring in 2/2010.  It’s not expired yet… just like me!

So now, six months after I’ve graduated Bates, I’m still learning, even if it’s just learning what it feels like to go to work all day when you’re not feeling well.  And I know the next time I get ill, it won’t be as bad.  It’s like how coming home from Thanksgiving vacation was excruciatingly painful and difficult to get back into the swing of my new life but coming home from Christmas and New Years break was much easier.  Sometimes you just have to experience things to get used to them.  Then once you know what to expect, everything gets a little easier.  It’s the process of settling in to a new life.

Shhhh,

Steph